Spoonful of Sugar Series - #3 Blackbird
"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise"*
This post must begin with profound gratitude to Mike, a friend from our high school days at Wexford CI, who - after reading my first “Spoonful of Sugar” post - very kindly, thoughtfully and graciously reached out with a ton of helpful/useful information and words of encouragement and support. Also with the promise to answer any questions I might have going forward. His solicitude and consideration were a gift beyond measure, at a time when I was feeling utterly defeated. Thank you Mike! You, sir, are a Knight of the first order! It was a relief to know I have someone like you in my corner.
Since that post, I’ve had six more weeks of learning about nutrition labels and carbohydrates - net carbohydrates and balancing carbohydrate totals at each meal - about how fibre and protein help the cause, and all the while documenting everything. Surprisingly, I was feeling hopefully optimistic. I’d learned a lot, changed my diet and I felt confident I’d easily meet my target A1-C number - 6.
Last week I had my three-monthly blood draw taken. I walked into LifeLabs with a cocky bounce in my stride. Honestly, it was a complete disaster; the woman drawing could not find a viable vein and the result was a mere thimbleful of blood in the bottom of the vial. Pathetic (me, not her) considering I swallow blood thinners (Xarelto) everyday for the PEs. She took it to a supervisor who said it would be enough, and I was sent on my way.
Twenty-four hours of stewing, fretting, biting my finger nails, obsessing and chafing, until the results were posted. (Not so optimistic after all, hey?)
A1-C January: 6.4
A1-C Goal: ⪳6
A1-C April: 6.2
Four days until I saw Dr. Iftimie to hear her take on the change, minimal though it was. Four days of imagining the worst. Four days of anxiety, disappointment and shame (could I have done more/better?). Fired Up. Frantic. Freaked Out. Frenzied. But…
She was actually pleased with my ever-so-slightly lower score, does not want to introduce medication, commended our approach to dietary intervention (all praise to Cheryl!), and told me I am in excellent health - all things considered.
Ohmigosh! I could have hugged and kissed her. I could have cartwheeled out of her office (and you’d have loved to have seen that spectacle wouldn’t you?). This was a much-needed lift - I felt a renewed lightness of being, like I could almost fly.
“Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise”*
And I was, for the entirety of the past three months, only waiting for this moment to arise. Back to Cheryl again now - Wednesday afternoon. Of course there is more to be done, more to learn, more to experiment with; take these broken wings and learn to fly…
But I’m breathing easily, reposed and content, confidence fully restored. And I am resolved that I will not backslide but take control, and wrestle that A1-C down to six. Control = safety. Control = autonomy and, for me, there is trepidation about anything I cannot control - A1-C numbers being no exception. As any good psychologist will preach, control is just an illusion but, if it is, control is my favourite illusion! I always have it and never have it.
“Take these sunken eyes and learn to see…
You were only waiting for this moment to be free”*
Perhaps my strategy ought to be balance, not control. My dear old dad always told me that I must have balance in my life. With balance comes perspective. Whenever I get too focussed on control, my myopia rears its ugly head and I lose sight of the big picture. Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. If I only remember to take that saving step back and refocus, reframe, I seem to find a way of interpreting the situation more accurately (read: less threateningly), which frees me from unnecessary anxiety.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night...
’Til next time, y’all…
*“Blackbird” by the Beatles. Songwriters Sir Paul McCartney and John Lennon. Full lyrics below. Have a listen to this masterpiece, sung by Sir Paul, you’ll love it - promise! Link: Blackbird
