Rabbit Thumper’s Lesson

“Thumper!  Yes, mama? What did your father tell you this morning?

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all.”*

In this case, Mrs. Rabbit and Mrs. Storie are perfectly interchangeable.  This was drilled into me, repeatedly and futilely, by my mum — honestly, ’til the day she died.  I have varying degrees of success with this advice

Our society, with the ease of on-line reviews and e-mail correspondence, has become quick and accomplished at voicing our dissatisfaction with both products and services.  Sadly, we’re not as quick to praise when praise is due.  I try my best to refrain from complaining and to be quick to extol great service.

When faced with writing a complaint, one of my tricks is to write that letter on my computer, edit it ready for sending, read it a few times and then delete it; If you can't say something nice… 

Our local Utility (towns of Essex, Leamington and Kingsville) is E.L.K. or, in the local vernacular “The Elk Herd”.  Last week, at the onset of the ice storm, we had a power outage that lasted 42+ hours.  Absent internet and radio, information was thin on the ground.  

Forty-two hours without a furnace was uncomfortable. ‘Though we have a gas fireplace, it was unable to keep the house above 15℃ - and that only in the living room, everywhere else it was much colder.  Over the course of those 42 hours, the charge on our cell phone and tablet batteries ran out, with no means of recharging them.  Our ELK bills recommend, in cases of power outages, to follow local media coverage.  Um, how?  By the end of the outage, we were worried about the condition of the food in our fridge and freezer.  Our supply of hot water was used up long before power was restored, meaning no hot water for hygiene or for washing dishes.  We both had medical appointments, proceeded by cold showers.  URGH! And for me, it meant two nights that we were unable to operate the oxygenator - two nights sleeping without oxygen.  By Thursday evening we could see lights all around us but our wee complex seemed to have been forgotten or overlooked.

Frustrated (and cold!) I wrote my letter.  I didn’t send it.  Close, but I resisted.  Not because of Thumper and if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all, but because it was churlish and petty and indicative of someone who has grown entirely too used to the privilege of creature comforts, a truth brought home by watching the news on Friday evening, when our power was finally restored.

Éclaircissement

Our power went out on Wednesday evening and was restored late Friday afternoon.  We’d neither heard nor read any news in that time (a challenge for two news junkies), so we were cosily in front of the TV, eagerly awaiting the evening news.  Being reminded of the countless people enduring post-earthquake suffering in Turkey and Syria was a gut-check for us both (me especially).  Some 1.5M (Yes! Million!!!) ‘quake victims are homeless - some living rough on the streets some in tents - all struggling to withstand the freezing-cold temperatures.  Food and clean water are scarce as are medications and health care providers.  So we were a bit cold and uncomfortable — we had food in our bellies, we had a roof over our heads and it was not actually freezing in here, despite my protestations to the contrary.  

The scariest part of our short ordeal was that, under the weight of the ice, a tree fell on our house but, ‘though the icy branches crashed against our bedroom window, the glass did not break and the trunk did not collapse our roof.  The poor tree will have to be taken down, and some shingles will have to be replaced, but our home remained sound.  At no point were we without a roof over our heads.

Then came the Ukraine update.  One full year of Russian warfare and war crimes against the Ukraine.  A full year of bomb sirens, bomb explosions, terror, destruction, death, food shortages, health care challenges, medicine shortages, constantly defending themselves, constantly encouraging and praising each other for so many valiant efforts, thousands homeless or living in bomb-damaged buildings…  To think, I was frightened by a falling tree!

Truth?  We weren’t even the worst-off in this area.  Less than an hour’s drive away, just across the Windsor/Detroit border, many Michiganders were without power twice as long us us, four-plus days for some.  

Not once during those forty-two hours did I think of the people of Turkey, Syria or Ukraine.  Just me.  Just how I was cold.  Just how I couldn’t listen to the radio.  Just how I had to eat make-shift meals.  Just how I had to bathe in cold water.  Just how I might lose some food in my refrigerator.  Just how I couldn’t get on the internet.  Petty.  Spoiled.  Privileged.  Selfish. 

Empathy

“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another,
listening with the ears of another,
and feeling with the heart of another.”**

Empathy is the powerful feeling of being aware of, understanding and sharing in, someone else’s feelings, thoughts and personal narratives - either through experience or vicariously (imaginatively).  It is the ability to know the emotional circumstances of another person’s life or, as Mary Lathrap so famously penned, to walk a mile in his moccasins.

Perhaps even more valuable than walking that proverbial mile, is knowing suffering, or hunger, or being cold, or being frightened yourself.  That experience may be the best way to develop our feelings of empathy and that is exactly what happened to us last week, although admittedly, only very briefly on the grand scale of things.  I might have changed over the years, but I don’t think my core values have:  I cherish loyalty, friendship, empathy, love and honesty above all. Sadly, this week I forgot to live those values, particularly empathy.  Fortunately, my capacity for empathy seems undamaged, and I am always trying to develop and enhance that ability.  I think, given the current world crises, we all ought to be developing empathy - this planet obviously needs it now more than ever before.

If we’re ever going to heal the rifts in our world, if we’re ever going to make this world safe for all, if we’re ever going to halt climate change, if we’re ever going to end world hunger, and if we’re ever going to understand and love everyone, we must steep ourselves in empathy, day and night, every day.  We must learn to feel with the heart of another.

’Til next time, y’all…

Tree on house

*Felix Salten, “Bambi” (1942).  Mrs. Rabbit voiced by Margaret Lee and young Thumper voiced by Peter Behn.
**Alfred Adler. Austrian MD and Psychotherapist.
Éclaircissement: Enlightenment or clarity.