Autumn has arrived!
Autumn is my favourite season. Many’s the time I’ve written a blog post celebrating its arrival and vibrant beauty. This is not that!
In our home, since the middle of summer, our lives and thoughts have been consumed by health issues and loss - both of which have attuned our minds to the changing season of our lives. We’re aware now more than ever that we're living the autumn of our lives.
“In the middle of life, death comes
to take your measurements. The visit
is forgotten and life goes on. But the suit
is being sewn on the sly.”*
In an especially sweet e-mail message, my friend wrote that when I describe our life in Kingsville, I sound comfortable and content. She’s right. And lulled by that ataraxia, I’ve drifted along, confident that everything would stay the same whilst knowing that is an impossibility - everything changes all the time. The suit is being sewn on the sly.
Make no mistake - I’m not feeling at all morose. The opposite. Rather motivated and inspired. Per Horace’ aphorism - I fully intend to seize the day. Every day.
I’ve been piddling about with this post for over a month now. In that time I’ve had some thoroughly enjoyable discussions with some of my gal pals about aging and how it has affected us. At their urging, I’ve persisted, my reluctance I think is to dwell…
It seems that we all began in our forties - perhaps a little hesitantly at first - talking about aging. Those discussions seem to have multiplied with the passing of each successive decade… Some of us brood over the loss of our youth (grey hair and wrinkles were mentioned - a few times by the same person!!!), others bemoan age-related ailments (dwindling sight and hearing), others deplore their diminishing flexibility due to osteoarthritis, etc. Some voiced regrets over all those things we thought we’d have accomplished “by now”. Perhaps those lamentations are our subconscious awareness that death has already been to take our measurements.
Despite those grumbles, each of us - to a woman - admits that we love our lives exactly as they are in this very moment and more, that we like our aged selves so much more than our youthful selves. That is me entirely. At sixty-six, I am the most comfortable in my skin, with every aspect of my physical and mental self, than I’ve ever been.
As women gather more years we become disinterested in trying to live a perfect life as defined by popular theories and philosophies. Freed from those expectations and efforts, we’ve acquired a new freedom, a stronger self-confidence and greater contentment. Instead, our passions are directed at nurturing and enjoying our relationships and friendships, at hobbies and sports and at activities - travel, theatre arts, volunteerism. Our energies are focussed on living an intentional and thoughtful life.
Busyness in our autumn is very different. In our thirties, forties and fifties, our busyness was a frenetic, sometimes ordered chaos which was largely beyond our control. It was seldom of our choosing as we tried to accommodate work, family, community, spiritual, educational, and/or household responsibilities. It was a lot and there never seemed to be a break in the pace. As we settle into the autumn of our lives, yes, there is busyness - always - but it is a chosen schedule of industry that we are, for the most part, able to opt out of at any moment without the fear of letting anyone down but ourselves. That makes our enterprise feel comfortable, exciting even.
Contrary to archetype, none of us has become a cynical, apathetic, bitter crone — we’ve all managed to retain our enthusiasm and passion. We all eagerly anticipate the adventures and lessons life still has to offer and we enjoy each one as it is revealed to us. To remain fully engaged with the allure and mystery of our world is a true gift, one, it seems, that we’ve all seized — perhaps because, subliminally, we’re aware that death has been to take our measurements and our suits are being sewn on the sly.
If I had one piece of advice I might share with forty year-old Pam it would be to not merely accept, but embrace wholeheartedly the season of life you find yourself in with grace, zest and joy.
*Nobelist Tomas Tranströmer, “Black Postcards” page 25, The Deleted World.
