Crucible
Yellow Lotus (Nelumbo lutea)
The lotus symbolizes compassion and mindfulness.
"You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.”*
Yes, I’m a loyal Aaron Sorkin fan, yes I use this quote a lot (possibly too often), and yes, I love the movie, despite its overt Americana. But these forty-one words are incredibly powerful and resonate with me every time I hear them spoken or read them on the page.
You want free speech? Yes! Unreservedly yes!
A&L, particularly the writing group, has always been a crucible of conflict and competition; there are a lot of clever minds, wildly different opinions, big personalities and loud voices. One meaning of crucible is a test that produces change.
Completely out of the blue, a philosophy prof in the writing group has taken a very strong dislike to me, to my writing, to my photographs and even, I think, to my membership in the group. His vitriol is more hurtful than words can possibly describe. This is puzzling to me because we’ve never met in person, have never had a one-on-one conversation, I have never criticized any of his writing, and we’ve never exchanged so much as a single cross word. A true conundrum.
After much thought, I offered my resignation but it was declined. Vehemently. Instead, a motion to revoke the membership of the gent in question was put to the group. A vote was taken. I was the sole dissenting vote. I want him to remain in the group. Not because I like the chap (indeed, after all that’s transpired, I’d find that a step too far), not because I like being publicly humiliated, and not because I believe in second chances (I dole those out very sparingly), but because of free speech. If I’m prepared to read and listen to praise, I ought to be equally willing to take on criticism.
No good deed goes unpunished: My nay vote earned me a writing assignment on the value of compassion in a world where routinely hurling insults and slurs at one another (especially on social media platforms) has become sport. Is tolerated, even. Abridged:
Compassion is a feeling. It embodies both awareness and understanding of the circumstance or plight of others, whether that be misfortune, persecution, sadness, fear, or health (physical or mental suffering) coupled with an aspirational will to alleviate that suffering or distress, regardless of whether the adversity is self-inflicted or caused by others. Awareness. Understanding. Will. All three are essential to experience true compassion.
Compassion is not, cannot be reserved for those you like, admire, love, respect and understand. It must also be expended - in equal measure - to those who insult, despise, challenge and disagree with you, which makes it uncomfortable. Damned uncomfortable. Cultivating that feeling for someone who has attacked me is hard work but that is the dynamism and power of genuine compassion.
Last week, the ballot that would determine B’s future with A&L arrived in my inbox: Vote yes to expel B from the group. Vote no to allow B’s membership to continue. Ohmigosh, did I ever want to click on ‘yes’. You’ve no idea how much I wanted to vent my spleen by voting to get rid of a gent who’d become a mean adversary. I didn’t like that impulse or, indeed, me for even considering that option for one minute. I eventually recognized this choice as a personal crucible.
How do I quell the internal struggle? How do I summon compassion in place of a very strong resentment? How do I replace my selfish nature with grace and compassion? You want free speech? Those four words! It was so easy after that. It was more important to me that I stood my ground on the issue of free speech than seek revenge. It was important to take stock of the things I stand for: I stand for freedom of speech. I stand for forgiveness. I stand for a robust exchange of opinion and belief. I stand for compassion.
It is important that within A&L and beyond, we change our discourse from judgement and insult to a truth-telling moderated by understanding and acceptance. Passion is vital, opinions need to be shared if we’re all to learn and grow, but that exchange needs to be recalibrated using humility and consideration. Kindness. Compassion. Then everyone wins.
I put it to the group that from now on, when posting critiques, we all try to be mindful of the impact our words will have on their subject. We cannot control what anyone else thinks or says or writes, but we can check ourselves.
On the very rarest of occasions, a truly special person comes into your life; someone who changes you - for the better - and enriches your life with each of the encounters with that person. That happened to me about ten years ago at the Lakefield Literary Festival where I met the amazingness that is Kerry Clare. She was hosting a two-hour seminar on blogging which was a great experience but the best bit is that we’re still in touch and that I’m still learning from her.
Kerry is a brilliant author, one of the world’s original bloggers, and a witty essayist. If you haven’t already, I suggest you check out her website, Pickle Me This, and read her work and her book reviews - you’ll instantly be hooked.
Whenever I write an essay or a blog post I always try hard to craft a good closing sentence. Try being the key word. In the midst of this highly unpleasant strife at A&L, I read an essay written by Kerry, words that helped me glean [Kerry’s smiling now] some much-needed perspective and, with her permission, her words are how I will be closing this post:
Through this experience — the unpleasantness of B’s words and the support I have received — I’ve learned “an essential lesson in sharing space with other people and how we can’t always (ever?) be in control of what other people do.”**
’Til next time, y’all…
*Aaron Sorkin, Writer, “The American President”, line spoken by President Andrew Shepherd (Michael Douglas).
**Kerry Clare from “Palmerston” https://picklemethis.com/2022/11/14/palmerston/ on her website Pickle Me This picklemethis.com